Friday, April 3, 2009


I apologize for not having written anything in here for so long. Much has happened since the last time I posted. I need to go back through and refresh my memory of past posts, but will write what is on my mind at the moment.

I’ve learned a bit about dealing with a child with Aspergers. For one, the worst thing a person can do is tell them they have it and then baby them. Yes, they need extra attention/affection, but there is a degree to it as well. My grandsom’s mother tells him he has it and tells his brother to go easy on him as he has the disease, which is basically telling the child that he can do as he pleases, “he has an excuse.” Now this is second hand information, so I’m praying this is not the case, but does explain his recent behavior and his brothers temperment towards him.

Since finding out about the disease, when his dad and my daughter do have him and I take care of him, it is very trying. He continually tells me, “Omah, I can’t help it, I have Aspergers.” I tell him that it doesn’t mean that he can do as he pleases and he argues with me saying, “Yes it does.” If I don’t give into him, he starts whining or crying. It’s become very frustrating, as there are times when I’m forever having to get after him, and/or correct him. There have been times he starts actually crying and asks me why I’m so mean, and what kind of a grandmother am I. It breaks my heart, as I know he’s frustrated as well.

But what do you do? When he’s getting it from one parent that he can as he pleases and doesn’t get reprimanded for it, then comes to us and does get reprimanded, he becomes a basket case, and who wouldn’t for that matter.

So there are basically two messages here. One has to do with divorce and children, which I’ll save for my other blog, but the other has to do with the disorder. When you find your child has a disorder, please, please, please, seek help for him/her. When you refuse to get the necessary counseling/help for a child, you are only hurting them more. Further more, when you baby them and protect them, you are hurting them more. Not to mention their siblings. It affects the whole household. You are doing no one any favors by ignoring the problem and/or pascifying the person.

I guess being a parent of a schizophrenic makes it easier to see that by not getting help, it worsens the problem. But, it also seems so blatent obvious that the child needs help. Also, I have a nephew that obviously had a mental disorder but my sister refused to accept it and claimed he was just socially slow. Now it’s been hard on both of them since he became an adult. I hate seeing her beat herself up for not accpeting the problem and trying to protect him all those years.

As you can see, the affects involve everyone. Not just the person with the disorder, but everyone involved with the child. The teachers have to deal with this as well. It’s not an easy task for them. Hopefully each child with a disability will have a teacher that is aware of what a child goes through and is compassionate enough to work with the kids, help them, and not just push them through the system. This happened with my nephew. Thankfully so far my grandson is in a good school and they are working with him. There was one teacher that was not doing as she should and was causing problems, but that was caught and dealt with quickly through an outstanding, caring program here that was started by a man who has a child with Aspergers.

I wish you the best with your child/person you care for with the disorder, or any mental disorder for that matter. It’s not an easy task. It takes a lot of patience, love, and a compassionate heart. If you don’t have what it takes to work with your child/family member, then please, find someone who can. They deserve a fighting chance in life. They are human, no different from us. We all have our flaws. Not one of us is perfect. It’s just easier to see the flaws in some than in others. Above all, get the person help. Get the person into counseling programs that work. Do your background checks and make sure it is a legite company first. Putting them in an organization that doesn’t really care nor have the proper knowledge only makes the problems worse as well.

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