From the Beginning

Well, I have to admit, I've come to a standstill on what to write and how to go about this whole blog. Perhaps I rushed into it without out planning it. But was led to write this blog. So I've decided to start from the very beginning with Jay, and go from there. Perhaps this will help some see something they took for granted in their loved one and be able to get help before it gets too out of hand.

Jay was born a happy child on Christmas Eve none the less. When he was born, I thought wow, He's a Christmas baby, God must have special plans for him. What a delight! He was bald for quite some time but had the pretties blue eyes. Then his blond hair grew in. What a handsome little boy he was. Always full of smiles. I don't remember him fussing or crying much at all. In fact his delivery was very easy. I can still see his sweet smile when he was little with his fine blond hair and blues eyes smiling. How lucky we were.

He went to preschool at Grand Forks AFB. He was loved by his teachers. He had such a great attitude and personality. Oh and he had a little sister with red hair and hazel eyes that came along 15 months later. She was a bit different, hard delivery, colicky, and fussy the first couple of months, then turned into a happy go lucky little girl as well. Although she did have the red headed temper. :)

Jason then went on into kindergarten at the base. He was doing well. His teacher loved him and talked about how helpful he was and well mannered! Yeah! We had a wonderful son that we were so proud of. We were so blessed to have two beautiful children; a boy and a girl. Life didn't get much better than this. They both were happy, well adjusted, well behaved all around good kids.

Then we moved to Germany. That is when things started to change. Just a few months after moving there, Jay started to change. He became a bit irritable. I became frustrated. One night he decided to take off on me. His dad was working 24 hour shifts out at the base. We were living in an apartment on the economy. I was scared to death. It was dark, and we didn't know anyone there, nor spoke the language. I called my husband and he came home and found him.

Thank God nothing happened, although it could have turned out a lot worse, as he told me recently that there was guy under the bridge where he had ran to. The Lord was definitely looking out for him. This is when he joined the cub scouts. We were praying this was the ticket to happiness for him once again.

After almost a year in the apartment, we moved on base. Jay went to school on base. We started getting calls from his teachers that Jay was being a disturbance during classes and was not getting his home work done. They told us that he was a good boy, and smart, but was just hanging out with the wrong kids.

This continued on through 4th grade. He did have one teacher that loved him and felt there was something going on but couldn't put her finger on it. She tried hard with him. The rest of them eventually labeled him a bad child with parents that didn't care. Believe me, this was very frustrating. No one had any advice. No one suggested a possible disorder with him, nope, he was simply a bad kid that needed disciplining and a dad that was home more. What??? We spent a lot of family time together while there. We done a lot of family camping trips and always had a great time. So what was the deal with school.

Oh, and a big thing in school. It drove the teachers nuts, as it would take him forever to complete an assignment, and he would write so small that it was hard for them to read it. He was very, very articulate. This is quite common in bipolar people. Plus his dad is a huge perfectionist as well.

So here we were with a boy that was struggling through school, was starting to become a handful at home towards the end of our 4 years there. Was not well accepted in scouts after awhile because of his behavior problems. Thankfully his den leader was very supportive and tried hard with him. We were blessed with that fact.

We did however start to worry about our parenting skills, or should I say, I did. I thought, my gosh, what are we doing wrong? We have a girl who is doing outstanding in school, well behaved, involved in church--mind you the rest of us weren't at that time--and was not a problem at all. How could we have a child that is doing good if we are bad parents.

I will end it here now and do the next segment on our return to the states. This is where things really took off, but...not right away. This segment here is a warning signal to parents or of friends even. If you see someone starting to struggle and there is no real logical reason for it happening, this is a time to get that person into a psychologist. Get them checked and help then. What do you have to lose? Hopefully there is nothing wrong and they are just going through an adjustment phase. But it is worth checking into to make sure rather than putting that person and others involved through the torment that follows if you don't do anything about it. Not to mention that during this beginning phase, it is very frustrating to them as well.

Brief History

I'm going to start this blog with a brief history of what has happened so far.
Our son was born a happy child with no problems. He was the promise of a bright and cheerful future. Until one day the life of a happy child changed. Gone was the constant smiles, the upbeat happy little boy we once new.

The boy before us changed. He became irritable, agitated at the world, and at times hard to control. Our first thoughts were he's just going through a phase. Then came the question as to what we had done wrong. We became frustrated ourselves as teachers were complaining about his behavior, his disconnection to school, his lacking in participation. But they all had one thing to say, "He's a bright young man with great potential, he just won't apply himself."

Unfortunately at the time, we were stationed in Germany. No one had any ideas for us. He was labled a bad child at school. We were labled as bad parents who didn't know how to control and discipline our child. The longer this went on, the more frustrated we became. The more frustrated we were, the worse the sitution became.

Finally we headed back to the states. He seemed to have improved some, but not enough. This continued on up until 7th grade. He started getting into trouble at school. 9th grade he ended up having to do community service when he was caught smoking. He dropped out of school in the middle of 10th grade. We finally talked him into going back. The school prinicpal was awesome and willing to work with him. But this did not last long. He had two strikes against him. The third dropout he would not be allowed to try again.

He then tried the alternative school. This started out really good, but did't last long. At one point between the 1st dropout and going to the alternative school, he came to me and said he needed help and no longer wanted to live. I had a feeling it was a mental disorder a while before this came about, but his dad was in denial and said no way would he put him through that.

I took him to see our family physician who was wonderful, contacted Intermountain Hospital and asked to have him seen there. Our son was committed to there for a week while they checked him and diagnosed him as being in the middle stages of bipolar. He seemed so much better by then. The down fall was he was always groggy from the medication. When his dad saw the change in him he was so happy that we had gotten him help. He seemed to be normal again!

Let me tell you, if you aren't watchful and real careful, chances are, they are going to end up right where they were. He did not stay on his meds. His friends talked him into not taking them. He would lie to us by saying he was taking them, but I knew better. We ended up back at square one. Eventually he became suicidal again, and back to Intermountain we went. By this time he had become Bipolor with schizo effective tendencies. Oh, and before this trip to Intermountain, he tried H.S. one last time. This did not last long at all. Before we knew it, he had dropped out again.

By this time he decided he wanted to move out. He had a job with a car dealership, detailing vehicles. Eventually he quit going to work, hooked up with a gal who was pregnant. He was drinking and doing other illegal things at this point. We didn't know what to do, as he was now an adult. Our hands were tied. We tried talking to him, but to no avail. He would act like he was listening and cared and then do just the opposite.

One night the tough love came into play. He had been partying with friends at an apartment our daughter & I had gotten--my husband and I were separating--and ended up out of control. Apparently something was slipped into his beer. Of course with a bi-polar combo, this can create a volatile situation. He started busting up the place. I was called and rushed out there. I tried to calm him down, but to no avail. The police showed up and I had to have him taken into custody. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

This was his wake up call. He started getting his life under control. Joined a group therapy through Intermountain that was to help him find some self respect and stop all the garbage he had been doing. Wow! What a change, there was hope for the future after all!

Soon our bubble was busted, he became suicidal again. This time I took him to St. Al's hospital emergency room. They were fantastic. They had him committed to one of their mentally ill facilities. What a difference in him. He was placed on different meds. He seemed so much better. It's been uphill with some back sliding here and there, but nothing really serious.

He has since been put on SSI, as he is unable to hold a job no matter how hard he tries. He has a hard time being around people. So he is living with us. He has a hard time sometimes remembering to take his pills which causes some problems. This is why we decided to keep him with us. He's been grateful to have the support, but on the same token would like to have his freedom. He has a lot to learn and deal with first. He is working on becoming a private computer programmer. We sure hope he can pull it off. It would be good for his self esteem.

Since his dad & I have been back together, life has been looking up. We all recently--a little over two years ago--quit drinking and smoking. Every once in a while our son will give into pressure and start smoking again. Thankfully that phase does not last long. We have become church goers as well which has been a tremendous help to us all. We have become dedicated Christians. Our son is doing much better. He has moments where we worry, but he comes through it. He still has a very hard time being around people. Even at church. Hopefully someday he will be able to get past all that.

I too am mildly bi-polar which I found out a few years after our sons diagnosis. Thankfully mine has stayed controlable. At one point I had hoped to go off the medication, but ended up very depressed and no longer wanted to go on living. Once getting back on medication, I improved greatly. Thank the Lord!

So that is the jest of things in our lives. We have been through a lot. I'm hoping to reach out to those parents who are living with children of mental illness and are experiencing a hard time comprehending, understanding their child, and wondering how they are ever going to get through it. I'd be happy to discuss situations and perhaps be able to help in some sort of way. Also for kids if they feel they need to ask questions and/or just need someone to talk to. I'd be more than happy to listen and perhaps be able to help in some sort of way. Good luck and God Bless!